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Thursday, October 1st, 2015
4:19 pm - Being present in the moment
Sometimes the biggest challenge for me is keeping my mind focused on one thing. No it's not due to having ADHD or anything, yes I was misdiagnosed as having it. I literally could focus if I needed to, but there are times where my mind will have several different thoughts going on at once. Particularly while giving a massage which with the music playing and if the client is not talking, it's very easy to do. Today under the influence of essential oils, I simply remained present on giving my client the best that I can and did not let my mind wander. I ended up being a very nice session. In jobs where I HAVE to multi-task, it's sometimes hard to remain present and in the moment. Like here, when the phone is ringing, a person is coming in to check in and I'm finishing a transaction. That possibly another reason why it really gets to me...besides the fact that I'm an empath and there's waay too much energy to deal with at times. But I'm going to do what I can to remain present and in the moment as long as I can, because it's a good habit. When I eat really take time to taste and chew every morsel, when I'm visiting with someone keep the phone away, when I'm massaging keep the intent and focus on the client. Yes it's downright close to impossible here, but do what I can. By checking in with my thoughts and musings, it helps remove extraneous thoughts and energies. Hmm, so maybe I should be in the present when I drink my tea. I literally prepared and drank it very quickly.

Oh man I just heard about the college shooting in Oregon. Who the heck does something like that? The news even said the person was talking about it online the night before. Why would you not say anything to that? I'd call the police immediately if I read that or tell someone. What is going on with the world? Who plans one day to just shoot up a college classroom? It's disgusting! Some human beings are absolutely disgusting! My heart goes out to all the families of the students, the students who are hospitalized, and those 10 plus who died from it. I'm sorry the world has become such a terribly cruel place, that not even school is safe. Heck not even running in a marathon or going to work or the movies or the mall is safe anymore. I just don't get it.

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Wednesday, September 30th, 2015
5:46 pm - Musings
Feeling pretty fine today. We finally got the rain we desperately needed and now my front yard smells of cedar. I was so proud of myself after skating yesterday. Not everything was by any means perfect, but I remained focused, present, and happy. Did I fall? Oh yea, I fell quite a bit. It actually hurt quite a bit when I fell on my camel spin. Did I do some good things? Oh yea, my double salchow was miles better than it was, my axel was smooth, my edge work for my 3rd session was good, and in the mix of bad ones, I had an amazing camel spin. It literally was perfect! I loved the way I practiced too, I was confident and owned it! If someone was doing their program, I moved to the side and stretched or practiced. If I continue to go into each practice with that kind of attitude and focus, I'll be making great progress. I cannot wait to skate again on Friday:) Ironically, I have to work next Tues, so I'll either have to take a club session off or choose a Sunday to go. Now my grandpa and I were going to do breakfast this coming Friday, so I can always skip going to his house on Sunday and skate in the early afternoon. Yes I'll have to work at the hotel at 3, but so what. I've done it before, I can do it again. Also, I wasn't completely drained of energy last night either. I reminded myself to hydrate during the session and then after I chugged practically the whole bottle of water. I was perfectly fine and Sonic tasted good once again. I mean I can always just go to lunch skate on Friday. Hmm maybe I will for next week purposes and play it by ear the following week. I have to be careful with spending anyway just because it's bill season this week. Mortgage is taken out tomorrow, cell bill was today, school taxes(I'm going to try and pay next week(it'd be a week overtime, but I just can't afford all these bills at once) and then health insurance middle of the month. I've also decided that if by January I'm still barely making ends meet, that I may have to consider leaving the spa and changing my career. This feast or famine stuff is really getting to me. There have been weeks where I've made more money here which is sad. Oddly enough, I just applied for a job seeking an LMT at a elderly home. If it's more regular then I'll go for it, but it all depends on the hours, pay rate, and whether I can depend on it or not. If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. If not, well I've got nothing to lose so whatever. Phew another craziness filled night and it's only 5:45. Hopefully it will slow down and pass smoothly.

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Sunday, September 27th, 2015
5:05 pm - Starting upon yr 30
So my bday was yesterday and I approached year 30 with pride, grace, and no fear. I know that a number won't stop me from being me. So here I am a year older with the same thoughts and desires as I had the day before yesterday. Plus I like presents and celebrations so why not celebrate a name day and jump right in the face of everyone and say 'Hey it's my birthday!'. Friday, the dinner at Red Lobster was very nice. I wish I knew what the drink I had was, because it was soooo good. Not a super strong alcohol taste, very tropical and pina colata esque with pineapple and cherries. I was once again very happy with what I ordered and was extremely stuffed afterward. Present wise, I lucked out and got some clothes, a fancy wall clock for my living room, a small elephant statue, shoes, a snake necklace in memory of the snakes, earrings, and a gift certificate. Then yesterday I worked in my fancy black and white dress, got more cake, after work took myself out to my favorite Korean place, made my birthday desire List complete with a TON of glitter, did a card reading where it all made sense and just enjoyed it. I didn't go out or anything, but on a normal occasion that's not really me. Plus it's usually my best friend that takes me out, but she's in Fla and yes I missed her. I missed her a lot, but whatever it was a nice bday. Then of course after my ritual I played a bit of Minecraft again for silliness. I wish I could customize the weird little villager guys because I made a cute little village area, then went across the island and started to build a 'jungle/simplier' setting. It's really close to spider/squid island and there are skeletons who live under the sand. I wish I can make soldier type of people, but whatever it's for silliness. Across the way, up on top of the highest hill is where I let out all those spiders, fires, magma blocks, ghasts, and skeletons, it's only a matter of time when they'll reach the innocent village. I plan to make other villages too, perhaps one a bit too close to spider, fire mountain. All in all it's one of those games where time goes by really fast and 11PM turns to 2AM. Anyways, I feel like creative writing:)

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Thursday, September 24th, 2015
5:41 pm - But I promised I'd be good!
In my car right before going into work, I prayed to have a nice peaceful night with no difficult people or situations. I promised I'd be good and stick to 'good' websites like lj, pinterest, occasional skating forums and one fb check. The rest would be spent being productive and writing because I made some wonderful progress yesterday. Well one of my characters is vastly based on the final fantasy character Lightning. She's a diva warrior, rocks pink hair, and desires to avenge her parent's untimely death by training as long and as hard as she could. She's not quite as cold as Lightning(from what I know of her) and while outwardly she's a badass, she's inwardly very feminine, a fierce loyal friend and just coming upon womanhood being 18. To be honest, I didn't know who Lightning was, but I saw her pic and based a character on that picture. Thus Brighton Bevins was born and created. Well, I came upon another picture of a slightly younger purple haired warrior esque woman and created Brighton's younger/Irish twin sister Bristol. No not named after the Palin girl, but because I JUST realized that sad detail. Bristol Bevins, is very much like Brighton in the way that she is a fierce warrior, always training to make herself stronger and aspires to be a great heroine. The two of them were extremely close until their parents contracted the Sickness, a world wide Pandemic that's been killing millions from fae folk, to dwarves to skilled magicians. Anyways, their parents contracted the Sickness and Bristol runs off to live with her uncle in a nearby town leaving poor Brighton alone with her dying parents. After witnessing their suffering and tragic death, Brighton works her bum off, sacrifices her social life, and trains in many different 'set skills'. The two sisters have not spoken since. They also have an older sister who left the village as soon as she was 'of age' and thus far she isn't all that developed yet. I have name for her Bayvren, she's probably 24/25, and I think she's married. She's the most 'normal' of the three and doesn't really aspire to be a mystic or warrior. Obviously, Brighton is the primary character of the Bevin's family, but I did sort of drag Bristol into the mix. So yea, I was starting to flesh out those characters as well as poor Kalea was punished for once again leaving the boundaries of the village without permission. Thankfully, she has a magic friend by her side that knows how to heal and can help the poor thing. I know about what is to happen, however I cannot rush it. All I can say is give Nevaeh time to develop and grow more threatening/mysterious.

Writing stuff aside, I'm trying to be good. but it's not even 5:00 and I wish to pull my hair out! It's literally one strange thing after the next. One person wants to switch, another wants to switch hotels entirely, another wants five receipts faxed to her, grrrrrr!! Deep breaths. Oh yea that was the other thing, as soon as I came in, someone came to check in and their reservation wasn't even in the systems. So there they are staring at me like I have lobsters coming out of my ears as I'm trying to get them in. Seriously. Is that was cleansing before coming in really does? Sometimes I really dislike being an empath and working around so many people. It's so frustrating. Today before coming into work was going fine. I played Minecraft and made spider, fire island. Literally I made a giant dungeon on top of the highest hill, then dropped like thirty spiders, seven ghasts, lava blocks and slime jumper things. I pity anyone who ends up going there. I was in the process of building a little farming village miles and miles away from Spider Fire Island, but didn't get around to doing too much of it.

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Wednesday, September 23rd, 2015
5:11 pm - 9/23 Check in
Happy Mabon, first day of Fall and/or Happy Wednesday! Currently right now, I'm doing fine. My emotions and energy is well balanced and stable. Though last night had to be the strangest night thus far. Well, it was Tuesday which means if I'm not working at the hotel, I'm skating. I realized that up until that point, that me being an empath I picked up a lot of everyone's energy and feel a bit grey/blurriness. I couldn't explain it before, but now it makes sense more than ever. So yesterday, I practiced shielding, brought my clear quartz, and practiced focusing on my energy, my work and no one else's. So the skating session itself was not too bad. My axels were fantastic, my double toe loop was pretty good, my lutz was big and beautiful again and my edge exercises were really good too. My spins were ehh. My good foot spins were fine, but my back spins were pretty awful. My back sit which last week was beautiful was not working in the least bit. Hey that's the nature of skating, so anyways I did my thing and near the end my eye(the one without the contact in) started getting all blurry and fuzzy. Now I'd understand if there was a contact in it, but there wasn't. It was like super foggy and..hard to describe. So then, I was all proud of myself and went to sonic. Let's just say it took an effort to eat the burger that I used to describe as orgasmic. It was almost like I couldn't taste it completely. I bought a milkshake took a few bites/sips, then realized I wasn't enjoying that either. So I manage to drive home without eating the rest of my tots and decided to take a warm bath. As I'm soaking my sore body, my fingers in my left hand go completely numb. I couldn't feel my finger prints, the waves under the water and other things. It might have lasted maybe 10 minutes at most. So then I got out with a slight headache and completely crashed at 8. I got up about 8:30 and tried to make myself watch tv, listen to music, read my stories...nothing worked. So I went to bed at 9 and that was it. Then I woke up this morning a lot better, but once again my taste was off again. I had a cream puff which didn't taste all that great, the water at work tasted funny and I ended up eating spaghetti os for breakfast. Now I'm back to normal, but what an energy shift! I've never been that Zonked after skating before, but maybe it was due to me shielding and eventually it broke and it all came at me. I'm not sure, but it was odd.

I have to drink a ton of tea today, because I believe I'm getting some throat congestion. A lot of mucus in the back of my throat. Hmm I should even add some honey. Honey is great for congestion. I'm sure it's due to the change in seasons or even unknown allergies I may have. I'd like to kick this in the bum as quickly as I can.

In light of my upcoming birthday and my sister needing to add herself onto my phone plan, I got an android tablet for 99 cents;). Thus far, I absolutely adore it. It's a lot like my kindle, but I don't need to be dependent on wifi and let's me do things that my kindle does not. So in light of that, I've discovered Minecraft. Yes a bit late to jump on the bandwagon, but it's soooo addicting and silly. So far I created this dungeon like thing with a giant pit that somehow morphed into a fortress like thing. It's so silly, but any game where I can create, world build...is my kind of game. I also love making the mine train which a pig is riding continuously at this moment. It's soooo addicting though. I played it Sunday night and barely realized it was 1AM. I have some other silly games as well like Papas Cupcakeria which I must say my first batch came out looking ridiculous. I couldn't get the icing to swirl right, so it just looked funny. But like all the Papas games, I was having fun and it's really cute. I love all of the different characters and yes it makes me crave cupcakes. I'm not sure about what other apps I'm interested in getting. I'm sure I'll be more than occupied with Minecraft and Papas cup cakes. Did I mention that I totally got rid of Sims 4? I did that about a month ago and never looked back. Instead I've been playing The Movies on my computer and having a wonderful time with that. I'm very happy with Sims 3 and will continue to be:) Believe me I've spent enough money on it, I might as well enjoy it as much as I can. Anyways, time for a second cup of hot tea and maybe some Pinterest and then writing.

current mood: Fine

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Thursday, September 3rd, 2015
5:39 pm - Day two of my 'keeping my cool' challenge
I did really well on Tues, so let's try for Day two. Remember in a matter of six hours, none of this will matter. None of the stress or rude people or being treated like crap will matter. Tomorrow I will be skating for the first day in 'season' and for once I can focus on nothing, but skating...or falling on my bum. lol. I'm super good at keeping my cool at the spa, even though the job itself isn't stressful at all. Sometimes certain people will urk me or weird scheduling situations, but on very rare occasions I get stressed to the point of grumpiness. The biggest thing with that job is just the inconsistency and going from 20 appointments one week to barely 10 the next. That's why I deeply desire the day where I won't have to even think about money. I swear during the winter and spring months, I didn't even touch any money in the bank and just used tip money. But nowadays, even tip money is not always a guarantee. Oh well, I hope to rebuild to that point once again. Somehow I had it all figured out and when I would check my account, I'd nod with approval. None of my expenses really changed, I'm still paying electric, cable, health insurance, mortgage...so what changed? A big hit was my car expense and now another person added on my cellphone. It could have been that I was just ahead of the game this time last year. Hopefully, I catch myself back up or a new path will open up. Yes, I have considered a change in employment if it has to be done. I hope there isn't because I love the spa and what I do, but if it's going to be a struggle I'll have to cut it down to make room for another. But I'll cross that bridge if and when I get to it. In the meantime, do my best here and do my best there. Live frugally and spend only when I need to. Onto Day two of staying positive and not getting caught up in the madness.

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Tuesday, September 1st, 2015
6:24 pm - Keeping my head held high
Today I challenged myself to stay as calm as I can and not allow myself to be consumed by all the madness that happens here. I challenged myself to keep my head held high, to take one thing at a time, and stay positive. I had a nice 'on call' day until I came in here. I wrote, took time away from technology, ate mindfully, reflected on good things in life, read a book that makes me happy, and watched a movie that I enjoy. I think my problem sometimes is that regretfully as I evolve more and more, I'm more sensitive to opposing factors. Like with my digestion issues or food intolerance. In regards to that, I've printed off a food diary to track what I eat and try to discover any patterns. I'll be doing this for 10 days(or longer) because I have the feeling that something really is off. So, my self advice is to track it and try to narrow it down. Anyway, the focus is to stay positive and carry my good/carefree mood with me.

current mood: Head held High

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Tuesday, August 11th, 2015
4:37 pm - Four days in counting!!
Well technically, three and a half seeing as today is half done. When I did my gratitude ritual this morning, I offered to give my 110% at both jobs and do my absolute best to stay calm and positive. I even asked for assistance from my spirit guides to remind me if they encounter me slipping. I know the only person responsible for making the worst out of a situation is me and my attitude. Just keep it all in check, even if the phone is ringing off the hook and I have a line. People aren't going to die if they have to wait a little. I'm only one person. No need to get frustrated as well as people who treat me like crap, should be put in their place with over the top kindness. As much as my inner tough girl says 'You're only encouraging them'. But for these next few days, fine...let them win or get their ego trip. Next week I'm going to be lounging on the beach and feeling the sand mold to my body. I'm getting more excited as each day passes and the more think about it. I think the biggest thing on my vaca bucket list is to make the most of it. Try new things, use each moment to my advantage, and seriously reign as an ice skating diva Queen because that's what I am. Diva being in the good, confident, 'I am woman' context. There's no reason to be quiet, reserved, or meek especially when I'm there. I desire to be an amazing influence from the kids on the ice to new friends I'll meet a Seacrets to my freakin 'God on Ice'. Show my family, I may have been quiet and meek while living with you, but now since being on my own and learning about who I am...I'm a force to be reckoned with. Mwahahaha. Okay, perhaps not that dramatic, but I've been told so many times that my thoughts or opinions were wrong or didn't matter. But now, more then ever they do!

Anyways, point being my goal and intention for this vaca is to make most of my time there. Yes by all means lounge on the beach. I mean I'll probably find something more interesting to do then sit in the room watching tv. Usually when the rest of the family does that, I'm on the balcony writing or running around downstairs. I even remember when the rest of the family went up to the room when it started to rain, I stayed on the beach. I rested there until it stopped raining, then played in the ocean once again. I then stopped at the tiki bar/grill outside for a lunch and then finally went upstairs. I'm going to try and get my own key, so whatever happens...I wont get locked out. If I really desired to, I can always go downstairs in the atrium area and write with a tea next to me. Say it rains during my usual time, then that would be great. The only thing I ask of my folks is to respect the fact that I will take advantage of skating as much as I can and it will usually be when the rink first opens...because the ice is the best then. Dad seems to understand it, but mom...the one who supports my skating effort the least..will sometimes have disregard for it. I think we're understanding each other as the years pass, but that's my only request from them. Otherwise I'll go along with mostly everything as long as it's not drinking games all night. I'm there to relax, have fun, and rejuvenate my soul. Yes a drink or two on occasion is fine, but no more than that. I'd like to remember my vacation fondly. The way I see it, with the combination of skating, walking a lot, and swimming...I'm more active then ever. Yes, sometimes the food doesn't help, but I don't eat THAT bad. Wow, I almost already lost my cool as the phone was ringing one after another with clans of people checking in. But 'phew' I'm back to calm and not in the whole wishing to pick up the phone literally and throw it off the desk. Think vacation and no ringing phones for a whole week. I won't even have to utter the word Hampton for longer then a week. Man that warm sand is going to feel fantastic on my feet. I love when the tide comes in at night and washes over my feet as I walk..sometimes coming up pretty far. So far, the weather is looking absolutely perfect! 80-85 degrees and sunny most days with a chance of storms at night. The worst day looks like Saturday when we're heading back. Oh please Mother Nature, please please keep it that way when we go. I'll leave especially good offerings for you for the next few nights.

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Sunday, August 9th, 2015
6:22 pm - More happy pleasant thoughts
Whelp, a week from today I'd be on the beach or on the balcony overlooking the beach with a tea and journal in hand. I for the most part have all my clothes packed. Well, my suitcase is at my parents house, so I did some wash today and put all my clean beach things in the suitcase. Can't tell I'm excited to go, can't you? No of course not. I'm NOT excited to not work for a week, hang out on the beach, and skate...oh no, of course not. In fact I'm sure this week is going to pass very s-l-o-w, but technically it's only four days. Friday, I'm not really counting because it's my later day and will be the home stretch..even if I have massages that day. I plan to do the LAST minute packing, clean my house, and get my skates sharpened. Weds, I hope to have everything packed and ready to go..so then I'll just breeze through Thursday and into the home stretch. By 11:30 on Thursday, I can do my victory dance for one job being done with. So I think today I'd like to create my list of personal to-dos or things I'd like to try while on vaca. It was good last year, how can I make it even better this year? Obviously, reigning as the Queen of the Ice would be fun and also convincing as many spectators as I can that I was indeed a skater in the show. Even though I'm not. More and more it's a huge compliment. In fact, even though it's practice, put a show for the spectators and those passing by. Like several years back, I saw a guy that looked like the manager/choreographer for the NIA(the professional group that does the ice shows) and you bet I showed off. He was smiling and looked impressed, so I was having fun. Sad truth is, I'll never know if it was *really* him. It could have just been a look a like and really enjoying the show. Now this year, I'd really like for that special spectator to be my 'God on Ice'. Oh wouldn't that be delicious....and then I fall really hard on my bum. Hmm, it'd have to be a *good* skating day. I actually hope that the family only skates one day, because their energy throws me off and I end up not doing too well when I'm watching out or distracted by them. Heck, I do better when one of the skaters from NIA shared the ice with me. Oh yea, I was a jumping bean. That could have been my best session last year. I wish every session this time would be like that...but it's the nature of skating to have more ehhh days, then good days. And sometimes (more than I would like) the bad days like to show their faces. Those are the days where nearly nothing goes right and falls happen for no reason. But it's most 'ehh' days where somethings go really well, some things just need work and may/or may not improve. But then the next day, they could be awesome. Like my fair weathered axel that cooperates on rare occasions, but likes to give me trouble. Also, during my semi regular nightly beach walk, I would love to try doing skating jumps in the sand. I've seriously never tried it, so I think that'd be fun. As well as doing them in the pool because I love having the water lift, slowly rotate, and drop softly. If anyone were to witness all of that and STILL doubt that I'm pretty obsessed with skating, then they're just being ignorant. Ehem..mom..sometimes. She used to think I was too involved in skating because I used to get up for the early morning sessions. Which, gosh darn it, I miss them. If they had them, I would certainly attend...but that's when our skating club was better. No offence, it was better when Joe was managing and president of it. The shows were better, we had a ton of ice time, and we felt more like a team. Now it's just, I don't know...I liked it better when I first started verses now. Oh well, I think this season I'll skate at least every Friday lunch skate and one or two club days. Upcoming skating season aside, I'm super excited to have a week where I can skate literally everyday. I always opt to skate mornings just because the ice is usually empty and freshly cut. On occasions the NIA peeps practice before hand, so I get to listen in on it. Now, if I really wish to look legit, I think I have to have a planned stretching, off ice warm up, and on ice warm up. That's good in general. I noticed the elite girls from other clubs doing that. Fake it until I make it;)

Anyways, sometimes I get caught up with skating talk. Ocean City, MD is not just all about skating though and there are a ton of non related skating things I'd love to do. I love my later night beach walks where I bask in the beauty and meditate on the meaning of life. Now I've had goals to walk down to Pyramid, which I've only done once or twice. With the later night walks, I usually short it. So I think this time, walk the distance to Pyramid..maybe even further. Walk two hotels passed the Pyramid. Oooo, that may be interesting. I mentioned this in a previous entry, but find every opportunity to make new friends and start interesting, deeper conversations. Now, I don't mean walk up to a random person and ask about the meaning of life. But like Brooke, remind them of what brings them joy or warms their heart or brings a smile to their face. In a world full of negativity, it's nice to be reminded of the good, beautiful things in life. Once again if people don't respond well to it, then move on. Don't take offense, wish them well and move my good natured spirit onto another. With mini golf(which I'm sure I'm going to do at some point) take the game lightly. I know I suck and do not mini golf professionally, but don't go all perfectionist. Keep it light, joking, and happy. No not over the top where I sound like I've gone completely mad, but I know that fine line. I'm sure I can stir up plenty of conversations in the jacuzzi unless it's just my family and I. I'm thinking of creating that conversation starter list just as a reminder and an interesting way of tracking. Try not to ask 'how are you?' Most of the time people do not care to receive a truthful, long response. I've been saying just around the hotel 'what's new and exciting?' Or on vaca around the hot tub ask 'How is your vacation going so far?' or 'what's your favorite thing about being here in OC, MD?' Hey maybe that person knows a hidden treasure or a really good place to eat. You never know. Maybe their vaca is going horrible and need to vent.

Okay, I have a good starter list. Some of them are really good and well beyond the 'how are yous' or 'so how do you make a living'? Sorry there are more deeper topics then that. Sure if the conversation were to lead to that then okay I'll go with it. But I think something a little different is what people are looking for.

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Thursday, August 6th, 2015
4:57 pm - Challenge Day Two and Three
Day two: Write something that someone told you about yourself, that you'd never forget.

Hmm, I'll never forget when two girls from massage school told me 'I've never met anyone quite like you before' on two completely different occasions. Also, one of them said 'Magic always seems to happen when we're together' that was while we were swimming in one of the bodies of water and suddenly a thunderstorm hit. That was definitely a neat experience, even though we had to sprint to the car.


Day Three:Three Pet Peeves

Oh boy, 1) Would have to be anything too close to my ears. Like anyone chewing close to my ear or blowing in my ear. That annoys the heck out of me. 2) Negative Rude Nancies, yes I can be grumpy sometimes, but you know the kind I mean. The ones that walk around with a permanent grimace and nothing will ever please them. 3) People when they have a sense of entitlement. Excuse me, how are you better than me right now? You do know that we're pretty much going to end up dying in the end right. Your money, attitude, position means nothing.

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4:32 pm - More Pleasant Thoughts
We're now down to almost a week until Vaca!! I wish I would stop obsessively checking the weather, because it can change. Oh well, so far it looks nice. In the eighties with chances of thunderstorms. Not super cold or rain showers all or even cloudy all day. The higher chance is towards the end of the week which hey...if it happens, then so be it. That could be an outlet day or a family skating day or whatever. It could thunderstorm when we're out to eat for all I care. Just as long as I get a lot of beach time, I'm fine. Plus once again, it can always change. What am I most excited about? Not working, skating, seeing my 'Ice God', lounging on the beach, I'll be just happy being there. Yes I'm extremely excited about not working, not having to touch anyone, answer phones, have to paste a smile on my face and take crap from people or wear silly uniforms. One beach novelty I enjoy, are those little advertisement planes and boats that go by. I'm not sure why I like them so much, but I just do. It's the feeling of 'yea I'm at the beach' when I see those. One time when I was swimming in the ocean..pretty far out, there was an advertisement boat thing that I was trying to reach. It was JUST far enough, but so close. I also love when the bigger boats make waves for the swimmers. Boating itself is really fun, especially just to explore all of Ocean City area. This year, the family has decided against Banana Boating, which was really crazy last year. Seriously, a girl in the group before us fell off, was kicked in the face, and broke her orbital. I stayed on even though the driver tries to throw everyone off. The only one that fell was dad, but that was slightly due to my brother sort of kicking him off. Also, not banana boat related, but I just remembered when mom tried to walk out into the shallow part of the ocean and got her feet swept up from under her. Christy ran to rescue her, while I sat back laughing. Mom was fine, it was a funny sight. This year dad says he wants to try to stand on the boogie board and to have my camera ready. I replied with 'I will, for Funniest Home Videos.' The idea of my dad trying to stand on the boogie board is just...funny, but also slight disturbing too. I hope he doesn't get hurt.

I'm so excited to skate, I feel like I can burst! Yes the ice is crap, yes it's usually crowded...but it's ICE. And for that week alone, it's right down stairs from my room. I wish I can always have a rink just downstairs from me. But that would mean flooding the basement and that's not good. Plus I think I'd rather install aerial silks in my basement;) ;) I was looking at my journal where I documented last years vaca the other day and *sigh* it just caused me to get super excited. I remember last year a couple days before we departed, I bought the Sims Island Paradise game. Yep...that was a MAJOR teaser too. I still love that game and it gives me beach fever..especially when the boats are gliding across ocean...in an impressively realistic way. I even liked how the boats rocked gently back and forth with the waves. Great, now I'm going to be playing that for the next few days. Actually, I ordered my movies game, that my sister has possession of now. It was only nine bucks and while watching a review online, I realized just how much I missed it. I'd rather get rid of Sims 4...I just...I really don't like it. I will occasionally play it for silliness, but I don't necessarily enjoy it. I'd much rather delve into 'Movies' and make the best movies I can(or the worst). Anyways, that's due to be delivered on Tuesday. In regards to vaca prep, I've been super good with not eating out. I only need to get my skates sharpened and get two pairs of shorts from Charlotte Russe and maybe a casual top. My issue is, all of my vaca shirts are all really nice or fancy. I don't have just a basic shirt. I mean I could wear my trusty blue one on the trip down. I don't wish to spend a super lot on them...so I may consider our local gently used store. It has some nice finds..I'm sure I can find casual shirts and shorts there. Hmm maybe even a cute sundress. Other than that, I have to get my hair done and (hopefully) a pedi. But the hair is most important to me. I was a little disappointed today when I found out that my original appointment was bumped, even though they could have moved it earlier or later. They never even told me. Had I not looked, I would have strolled in at 10:00 tomorrow morning. At first I was mad, but after a while I developed a plan with three or four backups. I plan to call tonight to see if she still has the big opening. If she does, I'll put myself in and note that if it needs to be bumped to LET ME KNOW. If I can't get it done with my original stylist tomorrow then I'll try a different one. If neither of those work, I'll try for Sat or Monday. If that doesn't work, then I may need to contact a stylist whom used to work with us, does great work and where I won't get bumped. I understand the whole giving right of way to the paying clients, but simply deleting me and not telling me is just...rude in my opinion. But I'm keeping my thoughts pleasant, somehow I will get my hair done before vaca, it's just the matter of when and with whom. I'd also like to get a pedi or facial or both..preferably next Friday. Then again, it's not an absolute EMERGENCY to get my hair done, but I do wish to look nice. Oh well, at least I don't have to get up too too early tomorrow. These 9AM-11PM are exhausting, but I chugging through it.

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, August 4th, 2015
10:06 pm - 30 Day Writing Challenge- Day One
Ten Things That Make Me Feel Really Happy:

1 Skating
2 Thoughts on vacation
3 Laughter of children
4 Dancing around a campfire
5 When I'm making a deep connection with my spirit guides
6 Getting presents
7 The smell of 'Rainbow Road' lotion
8 Roller coasters
9 The beach in general
10 After I wrote a ton...I feel like a happy genius

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5:15 pm - Pleasant Thoughts
In two weeks from today, I'll be in Ocean City, MD relaxing on the beach with a cool drink in hand. No wait, around this time I may be sitting on the balcony with a cup of tea...a little sunburnt, but not too bad. I may even be writing in my concrete journal about how much I adore being there. I'd be completely at bliss and grateful for not having to worry about work(both jobs) for eight whole days. I don't have to worry about catering to anyone else, but myself...and my family(in regards to places to eat and things to do occasionally). I'll be focused on getting my God on Ice's attention, because I know we're destined for a second chance. I'll skate like I'm a Goddess on Ice, but not obsess over anything. No need to get worked up over things, I have a whole season to do that. Not landing my axel, well do some of my 'best' jumps. Spins not cooperating, play with choreography. I have it all figured out;) My goal as usual is to skate as much as I can which last year managed to go five times. I plan to do that again, maybe this year I'll make it six. I just hope for nice weather...which I can always ask for Goddess and Mother Nature to help with that. *wink wink* And it's fine if it has to thunderstorm occasionally, it's expected in that kind of environment. Plus I would love to witness a thunderstorm on the beach at night. If it does, the waves usually end up being crazy. That's good for the guys(my dad and two brothers) who love boogie boarding. I tried it once and face planted into the sand, then had monster waves crash over my head. Scary...so I'll just go out to the point where the waves don't crash too much and do the whole lifting thing. I'm excited to see the ice show and yes I do see it multiple times. Actually that was part of the reason why my 'God on Ice' recognized me last year. This time he's going to recognize me and hopefully never forget me:) I love seeing the whole troupe and sometimes by seeing the show multiple times I'll notice things that other muggles(not skaters) do not. For instance one of the girls popped her double lutz the first time I saw the show...in the shows after that day she didn't even attempt it. So it must have been giving her trouble. Plus the ice quality isn't that great, but hey it's ice. I've landed doubles on it one day and popped them the next. It all depends on how beat up, melty, bumpy or slushy it is. It can be all of the above at times which stinks, but once again it's ice on the beach. I'm excited for some sand therapy...sinking my feet in the sand, molding it so I am perfectly relaxed, and more. This year during one..or more of my later night walks, I may try doing my off ice jumps in the sand. Just to know what it feels like. Dolphins, yes I'm super excited to see dolphins. Especially the magickal year where I saw three or four different groups of them in various areas. I love dolphins, they're so beautiful and playful.

What else? Seacrets. Ah yes, the little Jamaican paradise. Mostly a drunkards paradise because there are twelve bars in it, but really it could be a music lovers, luau lovers, jerk chicken fans, and people just looking for something interesting paradise. I have a feeling we're going to be going there for dad's bday. Yep we're celebrating my dad's birthday while we're down there and what better way? Food wise, I'm excited for clams and shrimp...and why not crab legs. I'm not obsessed with crab legs like my sister, but I never said I didn't like them. Clams are my favorite and I intend to get them...not fried either. I like them steamed with a wee bit of butter. Yummy, now I'm getting hungry. Heck, I'm even excited to suck at mini golf. Yes I suck, but you know what keep my spirits up, make fun of myself, and keep it happy. In fact, no matter what happens that should be my attitude. Practice during vaca and try to hold onto it as long as I could. Also, another goal of mine and the way I'm sorting it out is a bit different then the previous years. Usually I say, 'Make five new friends'. That's great, but I've been learning from a role model and friend of mine on how to make it effortless. What she does is keeping her focus on passion. She's always pleasant and positive, yet doesn't always have a filter. No and not in the way of bad language or being crude. At the annual wine and food fest, I witnessed her walking up to a girl and saying 'I love your dress, it shows you have a nice bosom.' lol. It was so cute. At the same place, I also witnessed her walking up to a man standing alone and saying 'What makes your heart pound with joy?' They ended up in a very nice conversation and I'm sure it meant alot to him. That is what I intend to do in Ocean City. Just make connections with people on more deeper levels then 'So what do you do for a living?' or 'Weather' or you know the shallow small talk. When I see 'God on Ice' and get that chance to talk to him, I'd love to get to know the man behind the skating, how does he feel when he's about to do that back tuck? What else is he passionate about? What sort of adventures has in been on? I like people with dimension, not mindless zombies who are constantly attached to their phones and going day to day, but not living. I wish to make deep connections with people of all kinds. I know for a fact that the man I'm supposed to be with is extremely multi dimensional and will love that I went that extra mile to connect with him. It'll be mutual.

I'm practicing that making a deep connection now, while I'm at the hotel. Mom is convinced that I'm super quiet for my own good. What she doesn't know is that I'm actually not. I'm simply the type that if I don't really know what to say, I'll sit back and listen. Yes compared to my sister who never stops talking, maybe I am. There are times, where I'm analyzing a situation or part of a conversation or maybe the people who are in the room have energies that are conflicting with me. Whatever the reason is, when I wish to say something, I usually can and will. By using my very intuitive friend as an example, I intend to make friends with deeper connections and when in doubt, talk about passion. People love to talk about things that make them happy. Unless they're busy or thrive on negativity, then just wish them well and move on. So I guess as part of my packing, to do, and last minute vaca prep list..why not make a list on subjects to talk about. No not the weather or day jobs(unless it's something the person takes pride in) or the basic shallow stuff. Oh well, better get started on those lists.

current mood: Happy!

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Sunday, July 5th, 2015
4:14 pm - An actual weekend
Things are going pretty well. I actually had a weekend, you know two whole days off from work! It was blissful. On Friday I went summer shopping and bought quite a few things. I also learned why I want to lose 10 pounds before vaca. Though the problem with my current meal plan is that I don't really eat enough calories. As good as I'm being, I need to eat more..so it's picking the right foods. Also, my grocery cost has definitely gone up due to eating better. Ugh, no wonder it's so hard to eat only good foods...it's expensive. My little cavity in my back molar is improving. I looked at it today, it's honestly not that bad. It's not like black or anything, just a small little cavity and the 'crack' could possibly be just a ridge in my tooth. So between my thieves toothpaste, cod liver oil, and coconut oil/baking soda blend there are improvements. So yay for homeopathic remedies! Anyways, after shopping, I spent some time outside with a wine cooler and my notebook. Then following that, I felt antsy and went to the local ice cream place and got a blizzard. I only ate a half at a time, so don't be wagging your finger at me. It was a nice easy going day.

Yesterday being the 4th, I had my neighbors cookout to attend. It took me a while to get from my house to their house. It was very hard to judge when the party was actually starting and it felt a wee bit awkward. But I sucked it up and decided 'no turning back' and paraded to their house with my buffalo wing dip in hand. I'm so glad I went. It was like the quintessential Italian family gathering with tons of food, drinks, and laughter. I met a couple nice guys, but the one they wanted to fix me up with...he didn't really seem to be interested in my romantically. Idk, maybe he was just shy, but being a woman who loves to be wanted and adored I wasn't feeling it. That's fine, I made a new friend then. Plus I'm super passionate about a lot of things and he didn't really seemed driven by passion. But the whole family was very accommodating and fun, so I had a very nice time. Afterwards, I was determined to go and watch fireworks. So I drove to one of the best views in town and once again met some really nice people. I felt more attraction from the dude I was taking to who was a good 19 yrs older than me. He was very nice though and we had some nice convos. The fireworks were very nice..I must have watched seven different displays. Afterwards, I got back home and had a dance party because I had a ton of energy. Eventually I mellowed out and fell asleep listening to more amateurs shooting off their own fireworks or firecrackers well into the after midnight.

So the lesson learned from this weekend, I just need to get out there and do things. If I'm alone, I'll always meet people and make friends. I might even meet my 'Lover' that way. He likes to do things, driven by desire, and very ambitions...but also has his shit together(excuse my language). In the mean time I'll work on achieving and getting what I desire and working with the things I'm very passionate about.

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Sunday, March 22nd, 2015
5:10 pm - Best Day Ever Anniversary
Exactly one year ago, I had what I will call (one of) the best days ever. I remember kicking off the morning with my very first pass at house hunting. Yes big deal. It showed that mom, dad, and I were all on the same page with my desire to look into a place of my own. Afterward, I skated in our annual ice skating show which I was SOOOO not ready for. I was sick the entire week leading up to it, but who was I to miss a performance opportunity? I dealt with it and even though I had much better skate performances, I was proud getting out there and doing it. I didn't even fall. I popped some of my jumps and could have done better, but it was fun. Then I had to high tail it to our community Ostara ritual which everyone had to be at before 5. I, on a good day, detest being late...so I fled to the UU and showed up with glitter in my hair and show makeup, but it was all good. It turned out to be a lot of fun, especially when we all gathered in one of the rooms and chanted. I must have had six or seven kids all over me. And I had my first obsession with dirt pudding. After that, we gathered at my BFFs house for a girls night. So it literally was a day of doing everything I love. Time with friends, gatherings, performances, and house hunting.

One year later, here I am. While today wouldn't be as eventful as last year, a lot of things have happened and changed. Heck if I wasn't working, it'd be just as eventful due to the show and Ostara rit being on the same day again. While I miss fun events like those, I've grown to understand that best days ever will occur in different forms and different ways. I'm sure last year Laney, would have never expected me to buy and actually BE IN a house of my very own. While I would love to be at the skating show and Ostara rit, I'm here because my new goal in life is to not have to worry about money. Yes that means working a little more, but I don't wish to worry about where my next mortgage payment is going to come from. The thought of losing my house is out of the question. I've worked far too hard to get it, so I have to sacrifice things once in a while. Luckily the ice will always be there and our next community rit is May...plus it's not like EVERYONE attends EVERY rit. Plus I'm looking forward to the one in May as it will be my first Beltane ritual. And perhaps next year I'll be skating in the show...or maybe not. Maybe by this time next year I'll be making wedding plans or ready to have my first child. Point is, who knows. In a year so many things can change. While it's scary, it's truly amazing. Heck...even in a matter of days or hours things can change.

There has been so much stress at my other job that it's a breath of fresh air to have a nice, slow relaxing night at a hotel. I feel like we're long over due for a meeting, the computer situation was bad enough, and we're thirty women all working together with one male. The stress and frustration level is through the roof. Me being a Libra and naturally maternal and sweet, I'm trying to help keep the peace and...well sometimes take on too much of it. Seriously, I should be the spa May Queen. I feel like I'm reaching in multiple directions with octopus arms and to try and keep everyone on a good level. I even had to take a 'mental health day' because it's been THAT bad. I may whisper into my manager's ear and tell her that we desperately need a meeting before we all go insane. lol.

Other news, I just chugged my tea. Just kidding, that's not news, I do that all the time. I'm still loving my kindle and enjoy games like virtual villagers, Papas Wingeria, brain yoga, and more. I did bring it to work today and super glad that I did. I have three checkins so it's bound to be a quiet kindle and writing night(hopefully). I bought this book I really like that's half the price than it is in stores. Plus I also bought a book with writing prompts for every season. I love the kind of games that involve strategy, but aren't out to rob people(cough candy crush cough). Brain yoga is great because the games are simple, but very brain stimulating. There's a game that's kind of like Sudoku, but with colored shapes on rocks...you can't have the same color or shape in any of the rows. I love that game. Anyways, my sole purpose for bringing my kindle is internet usage and getting new apps. Now I'm playing a game called virtual families which is funny and sort of like sims, but cuter. I'll start creative writing around 5 as usual and brought four prompts, so that should help keep me busy.

Okay I'm done with this for now. Later:)

current mood: fine

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Monday, March 16th, 2015
5:24 pm - Have courage and be kind
-Yep, I saw Cinderella just this morning with my mom and sister. It was magical, beautiful, and a nice combination of the animated Cinderella and Ever After. Some qualities of Ella hits a wee bit too close to home lol. I strive to be courageous, kind, imaginative, and a believer in anything..especially magic. I'd love for Helena Bonham Carter to be my 'faerie godmother' and to pursue the lovely blue eyed Prince even though I didn't know he was a Prince. Who cares about the title, it's inside that counts. Right? As much of this will only be found in a storybook, the whole have courage and be kind is the real message beneath it. For as long as I've known thanks to my Nana, I've always strived to be polite, lady like, kind, respectful, and strong. At first, through the cruelties of middle school and high school, I thought I was doing something wrong. Shouldn't the kind, lady like, caring girl be popular verses the back stabbing 'mean girls'? It seems tables turned, as if kindness was mistaken for weakness. Now that I'm older, I've learned the art of killing with kindness. One of the best ways to fight rude, hurtful people is by being kind, positive and caring. There were countless times where I've believed that the world was turning against me. I've had peers, teachers, college professors, coaches, and theater directors who tried to break me. I'll admit, some of them won. I've more or less lost my love for certain things after being beaten down over and over. But then there are some really great things that happen. For instance not only did I see Cinderella this morning, but I ended up winning our drawing for a new Kindle Fire! I was so excited like a little girl during the holidays!!

(Next Day...)

-I ended up being so distracted by my new kindle that I neglected my writing and other things. So today I left it at home, brought some new prompts and hope to be a lot more focused today.

-Today at my spa job I may have gave one of the most focused, grounded massages ever. I was so in the zone and didn't look at the clock once. Well, I came into work with a smile on my face and feeling really good. Even if I had to sit there for a while, I didn't mind. So I ended up getting a couples massage within an hour into my being there. Well the other therapist was just going off on everything. She was mad that her cupboard in her room broke, she was mad that the towel heater was left out, she was mad about this and that...well I just shielded it completely and focused on giving a great massage and not letting any of that in. Well, I was very successful! Actually today worked out very well because I had time to do my long overdue grocery shopping, got a case for my kindle, had time for r&r in between, and well it's just beautiful out. It's sunny and upper forties.

-I'm looking forward to our writing group tomorrow that I'm going to attempt live from work. Hey, I don't have good internet at my house, so this it the best option. Sure I'll have to pause my writing when guests come in, but it doesn't seem to be too crazy busy. I love any opportunity to work on new stuff and write of course. Although, I'm noticing that I'm having a harder time writing about my own life and journaling...but they say that means your writer's self is present. Speaking of writer's self, my new favorite book is called A Writer's Book of Days. I liked it so much that as soon as I had tip money I went out a bought it. It has prompts for every day of the week, funny tidbits from 'real writers', great advice, and just an amazing book for writers of all sorts. If ever I get super bored, I usually grab that book and read a few pages(even if I've read them before).

-So my new kindle is awesome, but I wish I can link some of my apple apps to it. Imagine playing Cooking Dash Thrills and Spills on it. lol. I'm sure if I hooked it up to my computer that it'd somehow sync, but I haven't tried it yet. There are a ton of free books especially the classics which makes me very happy. I have drop box and a document creator for writing on the go. Also this app called notebooks which is exactly what it says..notebooks of all sorts. So if I wanted to make a digital concordance..there I go. By the way, I use the word concordance very lightly. Paul Sheldon from 'Misery' mentions a loose leaf binder with characters, historical stuff, etc. That's exactly what mine is. Not an alphabetical outline or listing. But a whole binder with characters, worlds/places, plot ideas, etc. I've had that thing for a while. Getting off topic, I can now have a digital one on the go if I do so desire.

-I think I'm done for today. I'm getting very distracted by the cute little kids here:)

Later

current mood: happy

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Sunday, March 8th, 2015
4:01 pm - Random Thoughts
-I survived driving home that horrid Tuesday night. I had to leave Comet on the road due to my neighbors parking too close and not wanting to get stuck in my driveway again. But yep, through perseverance I drove possibly 10 miles an hour, but got home in one piece. You bet I celebrated too! From now on(as far as I know) it's supposed to be warmer and more spring like, so YAY!

-I'm feeling pretty good currently. My cold is just barely here and my mood is striving to remain positive. I have challenges here and there, but I'm learning that there's really no point in being a whinny baby or rude. Plus if my sole purpose is to be an inspiration, then what better way to start off. I think we're up to two years where I haven't posted a single negative thing on Facebook. You know what, my fans love it. They love that I write happy, inspiring things that make them also feel good. Sorry if it's not the same here, I'm truly working on it..but as this is a live journal, I often hide my negative entries and keep them to myself.

-Upon turning 29 a few months ago, the whole last year in my twenties has hardly ever crossed my mind. I guess it's because age is only a number and while I've seen 29 years, I can still behave like no one else but myself.

-So I've been advised to work with feeling sensual and beautiful. Numerous times, when I'm dancing or skating or at any event with good music, I usually feed off the energy and get those feelings. I'm asked to explore what it is about the music or dancing that makes me feel so gorgeous. Liek the other day, I was more or less dancing while I was giving a massage. I felt beautiful even though it wasn't a 'sexual' act or even a common place for it. I have deep desires to learn belly dancing, dance at an open drum circle, and aerial yoga with silks. I mean there are times where I feel not so pretty or bleh, so if I can apply that energy to everyday situations, I'd be one sexy carefree woman.I like being sexy without being trashy. I'm all about invoking the Goddess within me and feeling powerful, sexy, gorgeous and free. It's my desire to become comfortable with myself..my body, my mind, my impulsive actions and deepest most irresistible desires. Then hopefully I'll lure my Warrior God to me and together we're unstoppable..unbreakable.

-I may even do my grocery shopping after work at 11PM. It's not supposed to be super cold and if I'm not tired, I wouldn't mind getting it over with tonight. I've decided that in the summer time when the nights are warm, breezy, and gorgeous that I will definitely partake in late night grocery shopping. Hey you avoid the crowds a lot easier that way. I feel bad for the poor people that have to work the graveyard shift, but hey it's open 24 hrs, I might as well take advantage. Perhaps tonight...I haven't decided. I don't have any appointments yet tomorrow.

-In good writer's news, I'm less than ten pages away from finishing my really large story journal. It's always so exciting and I think I can have it completed by the end of the week. With very similar one on deck because I really liked that journal. Hmm, I'll have to run to Staples some time this week. I only have to work my night job tonight due to my class on Tuesday night. Eee it's exciting to meet hopefully like minded people, share experiences, and of course learn new things. I just love to learn and expand my knowledge. Being a naturally curious creature I look for every opportunity to learn and understand this strange world better.

-I need to put in for my wine n food fest. I hardly ever work Thursdays so hopefully I won't be trouble. It's sometimes very difficult not having a day off during the week...so I have to make my own.

-Two minutes left, overall life is pretty good. I'm glad that the sunshine is out and the ice is starting to melt. Mom tried to lecture me about taking better care of my driveway, but I don't think she's ever gone out and shoveled. I at least do, but when things start to melt and then freeze over during the night, it's very hard. Oh well, hopefully my two mountains surrounding my driveway will shrink down..the sun is out and it's in the upper 30s so possibly. I have hope for us;)

Later

current mood: Fine

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Tuesday, March 3rd, 2015
5:05 pm - Random Thoughts
-First of all once again, I've driving myself into a tizzy due to this snow/ice storm thingy. I'm starting to think I'm developing a serious anxiety issue with this. 'But Laney, you're from NY, you should be used to it?' one would think, but no. Comet, my car, hates the snow. It got to the point where he didn't even want to get into my driveway. Luckily the neighbor who parks too close to me came out and helped me get my car into the driveway last night. But then once again Comet bucked when I came home for lunch, so I just left him there. His butt was partially sticking out, but not too much and I knew I was leaving within an few short hour. Later tonight(if I dare decide to drive) if he bucks again, I may just leave him out there again. Who would have though that my car was like a stubborn horse? But he his. Just like every time I took him to the mechanic complaining about a sound he was making, he absolutely didn't make it and I looked like a weirdo. Then as I'm leaving the mechanic he starts to make the noise. Yep Comet has a mind and personality all to his own. I did fine driving to work..I was semi behind a plow and it's just a dusting. Hopefully that's all we're going to get and the 'freezing rain' will just be good ole rain.

-Did I mention how I simply cannot wait until spring and warmer weather? I'll even take thunderstorms. I actually find thunderstorms very inspiring and relaxing. I like thunderstorms so much that one of my most favorite songs to massage to has a thunderstorm in the background. Though the song itself makes me think of Roberson Mansion, a historical local mansion that I believe to be haunted.

-I'm looking forward to my 'mediumship class' next Tuesday. I'm sure I'm one of a kind working with haunted dolls, but I'm hoping to learn more techniques. Looking at my intentions for the year, I certainly need to step up my game on some of them. One being doing a meditation with them at least once a week. Yep, I definitely have to work on that one.

-My head cold was getting better then hit me hard again. I should have continued taking the mucinex day/night time. I really do think that when I was using that, it was getting better. But due to running out, I stopped taking it and my cold seems to be worsening again. Not as bad as a week ago, but definitely annoying. Sunday I took a sick day..more like anxiety day and wrote a ton. I told myself if I'm going to take it off, then I have to write just as much as I would if I were at work. So I did and wrote far into 11:30 at night..because I didn't want to leave my poor characters in a bad situation.

-I'm excited to have a little birthday party for my bff tomorrow. Between her and my very intuitive friend, it should be nice. I don't think she's expecting any birthday provisions, so this may be a nice surprise for her.

-I thought a lot about my writing history yesterday..and yes it would make quite an interesting story.

-Grr technology, you stink. One of my computers decided not to open our front desk program. Thank Goddess there are two computers and the other one is working. I didn't even do anything super strange. Oh well, I guess it looks like one computer will be for writing and research and the other will be for actual work. lol. I'll try and make my best in this situation.

-Weather update, it looks like its raining ever so lightly. It's kind of nice. But I'm dreading what it will be like to drive in it. Hopefully the plows will be out and about a lot this evening. Perhaps by 11, they really wont be that bad. Maybe I'll luck out again and have a plow to follow on my route home. That'd be nice;) Whelp worse case, I'll just stay the night here and pray to Goddess that I don't get nine o clock massages. Then once the coast is clear, I drive home.

-Omg it feels like walk-in day. I've been flying since I came in. It's been nearly two hours and I haven't yet finished this entry. I hope the night slows down a little bit. It may be due to the weather. We just got a message saying that travel is hazardous and do not unnecessarily travel. Eek. Well now according to weather.com, it's supposed to be cloudy when I'm ready to leave...so perhaps that'll give time for the plows to go through. Okay enough freaking out about the weather, I have six and half bloody hours until I have to leave, so anything can happen in that time.

K I'm done with this entry:)
Later

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Thursday, February 19th, 2015
6:24 pm - Random Thoughts and Musings
Ah yea another round of random thoughts and musings for the 17th hour of the day(5:00).

-I am soo happy that Hailey and Bailey made their way to me safely. They're so sweet! I wasn't expecting their vessels to be so big, but I managed to rearrange my spirit shelf and got them all situated. As I had lunch, they watched 'Tom and Jerry' and 'Nannie McPhee'. They're spirits of six year old twins. They cannot be separated and I assured them that while I may be a grown up, that I act quite a bit like a kid. I felt some interesting sensations on my legs as if they grabbed onto my legs as little kids tend to do. I also received quite a bit of chills and once again a dizzying sensation from them.

-I have to make sure that my capital one payment went through and/or at least my info was updated. Okay it went through. I always forget that I don't have to pay it all at once. But I don't like owing a debt, so I continue to pay it all at once. So it's all updated and I guess I'm not using my checking card. Speaking of money and all that stuff, I got ticked with our energy utility provider. Apparently they couldn't process or read my account number, so I kept getting penalized. So finally I called this morning and got it all straightened out. From now on I'm paying with my cc where there wont be any 'account number error'.

-Once again I'm excited to do more writing tonight. I came in with only five checkins so hopefully it'll be a nice quiet night. Yesterday I was so upset with my energy company that my writing was definitely suffering. I got to the point where I was disappointed with what I had written and managed to write a 'version two' of it. That kind of thing rarely happens so obviously I was effected negatively by all of that money stuff. I have three prompts that I have yet to open up and copy on my blank word document. Last night's was also kind of difficult in addition to my irritated energy so it didn't go as well as I wanted.

-I want to develop my mediumship/channeling/psychic skills since I work on a daily basis with spirits. I can feel that my intuition has indeed evolved to the point I will hear or sense them. I will usually say 'I heard that' or 'I felt that' just as a way of letting them know that their actions are reaching me. Such as whenever I'd see the spirit lightning from Joan. All I had to do is say 'Hi Joan' or 'Joooaaannniiee'(if I'm super tired) and it'll usually stop. If it's ignored then if happens more. There's a continuing ed class at the local college that I want to take. Okay so I'm all registered for it and very much looking forward to it. I just hope it won't be cancelled if not a lot of people register. I don't think a lot of the other students have the kinds of experiences I've been welcoming..especially with dolls. I'm tempted to bring one like Naleya, but perhaps I'll make a good rapport with the instructor and further work with her beyond the class. I took some pics of my spirit family and may show them off.

-I'm looking forward to more or less sleeping in and having half of the day to myself tomorrow. There's some cleaning that needs to be done and some other things. I usually more or less waste it, but I've been setting up little hourly guidelines which has been making my time alot more productive. So I can plot out my half a day at work tonight. Not a schedule persay, but guidelines. It works famously when I have snow days or days off.

K I'm done for this hour. To be honest I was multi tasking and doing other things while writing this, so you may have not gotten each and every thought I had. But then again, I don't necessarily want to share every thought..especially ones involving my stomach being gurgly.

Later

current mood: happy

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Tuesday, February 17th, 2015
4:07 pm - Random Musings
Random Musings and Thoughts 2/17/2015 for the next hour:

-What an interesting day it's been so far. I like that once I 'let go' of something that stresses me, the Universe has a way of correcting it. I was super stressed earlier at the spa because an appointment was booked that severely caused me stress. Why? Because I would have to finish up, clean my room, and high tail it to my other job within only 5 -10 mins. Plus also add in that I had no time in between appointments to eat, so food was a huge issue too. So all the while in the massage before it, I kept worrying about it. At one point I felt a 'hand' touch my back as a way of saying calm down, things will work out and just to take one thing at a time. I suspect the spirits in the room felt it and were advising me to "CALM DOWN'. So finally I did and created a plan where it would work semi smoothly and Goddess forbid I'll just give a quick call and say I'll be a few minutes late, no biggie. So then after several breaths, I released that bad energy and finished my massage successfully. So then, as I'm following my plan, turns out the appointment cancelled or rescheduled...so I had nothing to worry about and came to work ten minutes EARLY. So things worked themselves out.

-I love when the kids from HCA come over and use our pool. They sound like they have so much fun and in weather like this, I think it's so nice for them.

-More on things working themselves out, the other day I was at the local roller rink for a birthday party. Even for being a responsible adult woman...I had a blast roller blading and semi showing off some of my ice skating skills. I loved helping the birthday boy keep his feet under him and my three year old 'little brother' with his first time skating. They both did very well for their first time. Anyways, after having a great time at the roller rink, my car decided it wanted to ice skate on my way home. With the luck of the Universe and my slow driving, I didn't hit anything and no one hit me. Note to self, Comet(my car) and icy curving ramps do not mix, so do not try it again.

-As much as I love and respect the Universe, I'm having enough of this winter. This negative something degree nights and icy roads are just getting old. I'm so looking forward to Spring and the warmer sunny weather. Though one thing I like about winter is being snowed in. I love having snow days and not having to go anywhere. During my last one I did so much writing that my hand was starting to hurt. I did other things to as it was a 'self healing/creative day'. But even in Spring and Summer, there are such things as rainy days or just because/mental health days that I can take when I need them. Working six days at one place and three days at another does sometimes feel like a bit much, but it's a labor of love for my sanctuary. I actually hope they keep me on for three nights but no more. Last week they tried to call me in for a fourth night and I just absolutely could not do it. Plus it was following a very stressful night, so I had to politely decline.

-One thing I love about living on my own is being able to expirment with cooking. I've made pizzas, golden mushroom chicken, chicken and mushrooms with teriyaki, stir fry type of dish, pastas(not from scratch yet)and some others. I also like buying foods and not having them eaten before I could. My siblings were terrible with that. I'm sure if my sister saw my pickle chips, they'd be gone by the time I get home tonight. Also, I've been learning 'how' to grocery shop. Meaning it's much more efficient to buy foods that will last or be used for several meals instead of tv dinners, pot pies, and single serving foods. For instance yesterday I made a small personal pizza, but only ate half so I have that for when I get home plus salad with this delicious blueberry pomegranate vinaigrette. But then with the lettuce, I could also make BLTS, put it on tacos if I should make some and more salad. I also bought some chicken cutlets that usually will last me quite a while. I can fix some golden mushroom chicken, bread and fry them to make tenders, cook some up and add it to a soup or something or make chicken fried rice.

-I'm excited to work on my new prompts as they center around my three big works in progress. Unlike my older prompts, these ones are more 'what ifs' or story development ones. The funny thing is that all three of them sort of work hand in hand. One of them is my series of course, but then 'Mansion In the Woods' has more to do with if certain characters(from my series) weren't killed off. And the third is a story that my author character in my series is writing. While I'm dealing with a lot of the same characters, they are portrayed slightly different. Either older or younger, relationships are mixed, or in other ways. Point being it's a lot of fun working on these pieces and I'm quite looking forward to working on some of them later on tonight.

Times up. Those were quite a few thoughts. Though one should hear all the thoughts that go through my head while I'm giving a massage. It's pretty funny. I've had my rather sassy spirit say 'Laney you can't focus on just one thing, can you?' Apparently not. Oh well, it keeps my imagination alive and active which I hear is harder to do when one gets older. I would never let that happen.

Later

current mood: grateful

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